It's over

I feel more comfortable when I'm with her now.Everytime I'm with here,I feel so awkward thinking of what to say.But its over now.My crush on him is over.Although I'm saying this,but I hope that he would realise that she is just playing a trick on him.Well other than that,the concert was a blast.And when I said blast,I meant that it nearly blew my eardrums away.Other than that,I guess had a pretty good time at the concert.But I didn't expect to bump into that ***** again.She thought that I couldn't understand Mandarin.How absent minded can one person get?Other than that,I really love Vanessa's poems.It has so much meaning to it and I just feel very relaxed when I'm reading it.I just don't understand how she could write that beautiful poem.Not to mention the story she gave me to read.I just can't wait until she finished the romantic yet dramatic story.

Why did it happen?

My life has changed from bad to worse recently.Everytime I try to forget it,it would be either an e-mail or something I read in her blog.All she thinks is that I'm not trying to get over it.Yes I admit.I feel very hurt when I firat saw it.It took me quite some time to realise that.But that doesn't mean that I hold a grudge against you.It also hurt alot when I say''I don't mind.Really''If I were to tell you that the guy you've been telling me so much about doesn't like you or something like that,how wold you feel?I just couldn't believe it at all.When you think that your best friend would understand how you feel about this,the truth would come crushing down on you.I have no idea what am I suppose to do.How would you feel if the person you trusted the most let you down.If you were really sick of what I'm telling you,disgusted and think that I'm self-centered,then you could've told me.Rather than knowing this truth,I'd rather know what you think of me.Humans' lifespan are short.Theres only once in your life you get to know a best friend.Someone you can rely on throughout your journey to adulthood.And here I was living my own little fairytale which I believed will come true.Not everyone can let things go just like that.Everyone has their own pace and takes things step by step.But for me,time is moving rather slow.Not a minute,an hour goes by without me asking myself why did she do that?I thought she cared for me.I thought she understood me.Thats what best friends are for right?If I could turn back time,I would never have read that letter on the table.I would laughed with them everyday.I would try to make peace between them when we quarrel.But theres one thing I would never ever change.That is meeting you guys and having a wonderful time of my life.

The tears won't stop falling.

Even after reading it,I really can't forget what was written in that letter.Everytime I close my eyes,the words would just pop up in my head.Then tears would roll down without me realising.Only after lots of thinking,I've only realised that I've been living in a world of lies.For so many years,I've been living those years with lies but no one has told me what I'm really living through.It really dissappoints me to read that letter.I wished that I never read it.It changed my life forever.When I thought about it,it was the second toughest thing I have ever faced ever since stepping into the gates of our new school.The first is seeing the guy I liked holding hands with another girl.The second was this.Maybe the word 'love' shouldn't be in my dictionary.I'm trying to forget it but I can't.Its one truth that I cannot face.I just don't know who to trust anymore.Should I just blank myself from the real world?I just couldn't accept this fact although I have told myself thousands of times that what they say is true but the feeling of being betrayed is trying to win my mind over.I just don't know what to do.The tears won't stop but I really hope they do.I don't wanna lose my friends just because of something like this.I told myself many times,I've repeated the same things over and over but as I'm writing this,the tears are rolling down my cheeks.I just don't know how to forgive them.I tried but everytime I see them,I have this feeling in me that I was gonna get betrayed again.I don't know who to turn to.I don't know who could lent me their shoulder when I'm confused about things.I don't know who could I ask for advices.The words 'not into'is always in my head.When I read that letter again,I just don't know what to do.When I first read it, I thought someone was playing a trick.But then I realised that that wasn't a joke.I just want the tears to stop.I wanna believe that I can but deep down I know that I cannot.The words would continue to haunt me forever.

Should I change it?Or should I just let it be

Today could be the worst day or the best day of my life.The list changed today.I went to the block only to find 'him' there.I could not believe it!I quickly ran away from 'him'.He must have thought I'm a freak.I wanna talk to him but I just don't have the guts.Today in class,I played 'Truth or Dare' with Vanessa,Alvin,Nicholas,Craig and Colin.Disaster struck when the needle pointed at me.Without knowing what they might ask me,I chose 'Truth'.Then Vanessa asked Nicholas to ask me who I liked.I nearly fainted.Everyone was so eager to know who I liked.They started to crowd around me.Then they start asking name of guys who I might like.But they'll never guess who I truly like.
Life can be very difficult sometimes.Some people treat you like you're their slaves while others treat you really nice but have and intention instead.It's difficult to get real friends.How do you know you can really trust them when you don't know them very well.Its either they stay friends with you or they would ditch you after they get what they were after.We should not pretend to be tough as well.You're acting all tough but on the inside its okay to be soft.Its okay to shed tears once in a while.Emotions are difficult to control.You feel like crying but you can't cry because you're afraid that they would say nasty things about you.But keeping you feelings to yourself would hurt you terribly.Its like you're being eaten up inside by sadness and anger.Its very sad and someone could just have a nervous breakdown.Its much better if you share your problems with someone you trust.
Its maybe time for the game to end and start a new game instead.Sometimes you just wanna tell that person how you really feel about him/her but you're afraid that you might get rejected.Thats the feeling that keeps you bothered for a long time.The feeling would just keep hunting you until you break down in tears.Its really mental torture but there are some people who can handle this torture but some couldn't.Its not how you get it,its how you deal with it.You must deal with it positively so that you would not feel any regret after this.No matter what you do,remember that whether you win or lose,it would happen again.So we must be mentally prepared to face this long and hard battle.

Difference between us.

Most of us have changed after we stepped past the gates of the new school.I said most of us,not all of us.Some of us changed a lot while some of us didn't changed one bit.Sometimes,change is good.Like some people say,'If the old don't go,the new would not come'.But too much change could cause a gap between us.A gap that could never be filled in again.If I could go back in time,I would wish that all of us become good friends and best friends forever.But that wish was not meant to come true.Some of us expects change but some of us don't.Change could be bad also.Sometimes,you change too much until your friends get pissed off at you.And I don't want that to happen between me and my group of friends.Well,let's not talk about that anymore.Vanessa requested to be written on my blog.So this is for you Vanessa!Vanessa's a new person I met at this new school.She's really cute and very playful.She often writes poems that I enjoy reading a lot.All of her poems have a special meaning which she points out to her crush.She really likes him a lot.But the thing is,he don't want to start a relationship with her now.Maybe they would start later.Who knows?But I wish her all the best.Love can be very complicated sometimes.That guy keeps giving her false hope which tears her apart everytime.
What is their intention in doing so?It's not wrong to fall in love.But doing it negatively is definitely wrong.
Coming across all of these in life is very difficult.But we must stand strong and believe that we can defeat every obstacle in life.Its not how you look on the outside,its how you are inside that counts.You could be an angel in front of your parents and you're an angel on the inside too.You have to know that your friends became friends with you because they know that they can trust you and they can depend on you to give them good advice and support them.However,you must stand up for what is right and what is wrong.Although your friends think its correct but you think its wrong,you could give them your advice.If they don't accept it,so be it.It's not worth gambling your friendship over a small matter.
To me,choosing good friends are very important.A small mistake in choosing friends could cause you misery for the rest of your life.It's not how they look like that counts,its how much you trust them.

Does it make a difference?

Not long after deciding,I reported to Miss Kalpana about the girl and how she's been harassing me.I just feel so disturbed and i could not get enough sleep every night.I feel less threatened by that girl now.My senior is always on the look out for me in case anything should happen to me.But I can't always depend on him.I have to learn to stand on my own two feet.He has taught me well and enough so I can't fail his expectations.Everyone expects me to pass this prefectorial exam since my brother is the assistant head prefect.But I feel that I might let their hopes down.I've tried so hard but the thing is,I could give more but I'm just too scared.I'm scared that maybe.just maybe that the gangsters might get pissed off at me and whack me.I could give more than a 100% but the fear inside of me keeps holding me back.What should I do?I can't stand behind my senior's shadow and ask him to protect me from all harm.I don't know why,but I have a feeling that one of the gangsters that used to threaten me like him.That girl is always asking me to get his number.I've suspected her alot of times but sometimes,what you feel is wrong.You have to see it for yourself.No matter what happens,you have to make the decision for yourself.Your friends,your seniors and your family can't hellp you though this obstacle.It's up to you to make your own choice.Whether its right or wrong,it's up to you to decide.Your friends might think that its wrong,but all you have to do is follow your own heart.Listen to yourself and no one else.It's not wrong but taking your friends advice might cause you some harm.(no offence guys!)But only you and you alone would know whats best for you.I learnt that from personal experience.You can trust other people but in the ned,you have to make the right choice.Like 'The Executioner's Song'it is written ''Life is full of choices.Black and white.Which one is yours?"

Time is never enough.What will I do if I have the time to do everything that i wanna do?I would tell him how much i like him.I would go out with my friends as much as i could.I would run as fast as i could and feel the breeze in my hair.I would talk as much as i could in class until the teacher gets pissed off.I would quarrel with my sister as much as i could before she left for National Service.I would practice piano and enjoy the beautiful music i created by pressing keys.I would complain to my friends on how the AJKs scolded us when we done nothing wrong(no offense seniors!).But the thing is,time is just not enough for me to do everything.Thats why some humans die with regrets because they couldn't do what they wanted to do when they were alive.However,some humans die with no regrets because they know they lived their lives well and they would watch over their children as they grow up.But in my case,its a totally different story.After I injured my ankle a few years ago,I could not run like before.

Memories

Today is the 212 day I liked him.Somehow,I don't think he noticed me yet.To him,I'm just one of his senior's sister.How much does he mean to me?Even if I did pluck up the courage to tell him how i felt about him,he would just laugh at me.I got bullied in school the other day and i told Cheryl Ng about it.She told me not to worry.She will tell him to change the list.And the next day,he did.Cheryl is a really great senior.She really cares about her juniors.Ever since that incident,he seems to slow down when he walks across the bridge.Could it be he wants to make sure that i am safe?Senior Li Ying told my senior what had happened and how that girl threatened me.I did not have the guts to tell him as we don't communicate that well.After she told him,he immediately came over to me and told me to tell him if that girl came and bully me again.I have a feeling that he feels quite guilty because he wasn't there to protect me when i was in danger.I didn't want to get him involved in this as it might cause him some difficulty.He's already quite busy with his exams and all and now he has to take care of Yu Ming and I.He has to take his PMR next year and I'm quite worried for him as he's taking care of my case.what can i do to lessen his burden?He doesn't pay as much attention to me as my senior.Of course he doesn't.He's not my senior.I received a letter at my file.When i asked Vanessa who was at my place just now,she said no one was here.I opened the letter and it was from a person who obviously doesn't want me to find out who she is.During recess,i found out it was ___,____ and _____ who wrote that letter.I was so disappointed.I trusted them and they wrote that letter.How could i ever trust them ever again?I have a feeling that _____ wrote that letter to me because the guy she had a crush on found out that she liked him and rejected her.But she can always find another guy to love.It's not like he's the only guy on earth.But she thinks that way.Why can't she just learn to let him go?She could at least try,couldn't she?Karen is also another pain.She thinks that everyone is wrong and she's the only one person who's correct.Says the girl who likes Dixon.She's just trying to attract Dixon and if he talks to any of the girl for example Kar-Ryn,she would go up to her later and say, ''you wanna steal my boyfriend away right?''What boyfriend?All Dixon did was talk to her a few times but she has already thought Dixon was her boyfriend.Not only that,she blames other people when it's actually her fault.Like if we lost in a basketball match,she would start cursing and swearing.I don't know when and how she developed that habit.Every word,every sentence for that matter would have at least 1 vulgar word in it.I understand that she is trying to impress Dixon but is impressing a guy that important?More important than your own friends?At least to Karen,that thing is the most important thing of the day and she would feel incomplete without it.Everyone is really getting pissed off at Wai Loon.Not only he's a jerk,he wants to act cool and impress Mei Cheng.He is also a very perverted guy.Nearly all the girls in my class stay away from him.But the girls who don't know how perverted he is,thought that he's a very nice guy and stay friends with him.I wanted to tell all of them but he might do something unpleasant to me.And then there's Craig and Colin,the twins.Craig is like the sleepy one and Colin is the cool one.They're quite nice once you get to know them.I'm writing in this blog now cause i don't know what might happen tomorrow.I might get hit by a car,i might get killed by that girl.Who knows?